October is all about getting ready for NaNoWriMo. I was really excited about what I got to do with Darkest Before Dawn and I'm trying to keep fueling that excitement for this book. Wattpad updated so now I can share my books with Google+ instead of just Facebook. I have more friends and followers on Google+ than Facebook so love it when a website gives me more options. I got to share the beginning of the second draft of Darkest Before Dawn on Google+, but there's more than that! And the second half is what I'm more excited about and what I'm going to do here. I'm going to compare the beginnings of the first and second draft and soon I hope I'll be able to do this with the third draft. (I'm going to keep rewriting it until I'm 100% happy with it so there's no telling how many drafts I'll have.) So you know what you're reading, for both it will be the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. They're from Dawn's point of view, whom as you'll recall was named Spring in the first draft.
Let the fun begin! First draft:
Let the fun begin! First draft:
I opened the door, and a burst of fresh air and sunlight washed over my face. I closed my eyelids shortly, relinquishing the feel of early autumn. I closed the rusted door behind me and walked a ways down the street. It was empty, as always, except for a couple broken down cars that remained on the side of the road, virtually untouched. I walked all the way onto the interstate and then a mile farther, stopping when I reached the city limit. I was standing in the middle of the interstate, staring at the wide expanse of empty land.
The whole city was only the remains of what was once a great city, full of people, and complicated electronics. Our city, Sadler, was attacked by the Bangs nearly a year ago. The Bangs also attacked many other cities, destroying them, or taking control of them. When they proclaimed war against Sadler, I was seventeen, and deeply in love with a young man of twenty named Jacob. That was eleven months ago. Now Bangbang rules five cities that we know of, and destroyed so many that I lost count.
So many men had gone to war, my father and Jacob included, but hundreds died, and hundreds more are simply missing, assumed dead. I know that my father died in that war, but Jacob was one of those that went missing. Those of us who survived remain hiding within and under the city.
Second draft:
I walked down the dark corridor taking care to watch my step. I entered one of the hotel rooms, the door already hung open and the drapes were torn, letting in the moon light. The beds were unmade, children’s toys littered the floor and bullet holes lined the wall. Three suit cases laid in one corner, a child’s blanket was on the bed along with a stuffed animal. A layer of dust covered everything, the balcony door was cracked open and a sliver of moon light came through the opening.
The door to the balcony creaked when I opened it, the sound made me nervous and I looked over my shoulder to be sure I was alone in the abandon hotel. I was, of course so I stepped onto the balcony. A woman’s decomposed body that lay there almost made me scream, but I put a hand over my mouth to muffle the sound. I should have expected to find that. I hoped that the family that had stayed here so many years ago made it to safety. It appeared I was wrong. In fear of finding a child’s body too I left the room and leaning against the outside wall I tried to hold back the tears that wanted to come.
The sad and eerie scene that I walked into was too much for my riled nerves to handle. I had gone to many other buildings and homes before, and seen things much like this, but it didn’t change the impact it had on me. I thought by now I could tough it out, that I’d cried my tears and now I could accept it. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I wiped the tears from my eyes, trying to pull myself together when I heard something farther down the hallway. Is someone here? That can’t be, I’m five stories up! No burglar would go through the trouble of climbing up five stories. Right? I thought, my muscles tense and my heart accelerating.
The moaning of a floorboard confirmed my suspicions. Someone was here. I can’t let them see me. I had to find somewhere to hide; I had to move quietly but quickly to get out of here. I backed into the room I had come from and peeked out to see if I could see the person. A shadow stretched across the hallway floor, another floorboard creaked. Every breath I took, every beat of my heart sounded loud in my ears and I was almost certain I would be found. Then I saw the outline of whoever it was. It was too dark in the hallway for me to see him well other than that he was a dark figure.
It's a pretty big difference, huh? :) I love comparing my current works with what I've written a year ago, or even just six months ago. Seeing the improvement is always encouraging. Well, I hope you all enjoyed that as much as I did. Have a great week! God bless! :D